Doggie Conehead drama

After dealing with a puppy that had major surgery a couple of weeks ago, I have come to the conclusion that all of us humans should be issued head cones to dissuade us from destructive behavior.

Big plastic, white, cumbersome head cones that we could not take off by ourselves and would require at least two signatures to authorize their removal.

Think of all of the money that could be saved on diet books, exercise videos, gym member ships, lattes and cigarettes!

Whenever we decided to stop any problematic habit, we could slip on one of these annoying gems and voile’, problem solved.

Of course to be truly effective it would require the wearing of matching hand cones to stop us from cheating.

Virtually impossible to scarf down an entire bag of BBQ Lays and a quart of Rocky Road ice cream without the ability to reach into the bag or manuever the plastic ice cream scoop.

Plus your loss of peripheral vision would prevent you from hiding Snicker bars under the couch cushions when you see family members trying to check up on you.

Obviously all of his cone hub-bub would mean that your children or spouse would have to physically feed you because you would have lost the use of your hands. 

And with their lazy gene attributes factored in you know they would only help you eat three days of the week, max.

If you were lucky.

At that rate you could lose 20 pounds in a month easily.

Of course you would have to spend a few shekels on Vaseline for that pesky neck chaffing issue.

But you wouldn’t be caught dead going anywhere so you would save some bucks on that front.

All around a plus for the pocketbook.

It could also be extremely helpful for people who are trying to quit smoking!

They wouldn’t be able to open the pack of cigarettes and you can forget about the ability to light one up if they managed  to finally maneuver one out of the package.

They would look like a human tiki torch.

As far as the pup goes, she spent 14 days sleeping with this contraption on her noggin and was frankly just a little bonkers when I was finally able to remove it.

She hated me.

Can’t blame her.

I would hate someone who made me sleep with a lampshade on for two weeks.

Plus now she has a severe aversion to floor lamps.

And beach umbrellas.

Guess she doesn’t get an invite to my Fourth of July party this year.

Which is unfortunate cuz I will miss having her on my team for the Ocean Beach marshmallow fight.

She is excellent at retrieving the stray ammo!

…….I’m just sayin’