Dear Cialis......

Dear Cialis manufacturer,

Just a quick note to tell you how much I enjoy your fantasy commercials for erectile dysfunction

I myself have been privy to thousands of stories of couples who were overcome by passion while fondling melons and bananas in the produce section of their favorite stores.

Not to mention the adorable couple who are caught up in the throes of romance while washing their dishes and cleaning their grungy kitchen.

That happens ALL the time……(wink, wink)

But my question to you is this.

Who decided that immediately after they get the idea for a little private time, these folks are magically transported into two old fashioned claw foot bathtubs in the great outdoors?

Now I may be a little slow, but wouldn't they need just one tub?

Man: "Yes, doctor I injured myself trying to get jiggy with my wife while we were lying in two bathtubs." "

"Three feet apart."

Doctor: "Sir, that is impossible."

"Unless you are a porn star."

"Or an elephant."

Then we watch as hand in hand they gaze fondly into each others eyes and then back out into the ocean or lake or some other ethereal body of water.

Now logistically, I am wondering how this is all going to work?

First of all, have you ever tried to pick up claw-foot tub? Not to mention two of them!

Considering these folks are on the downside of 50, they would never be able to handle this chore.

Sciatica city.

And If they could mysteriously manage that unlikely task without throwing out their backs, what happens then?

Do they dash from their car all nakey and wrinkled through the woods to the tub destination?

And what time of year is this scenario plausible?

If it is Summer you have the obvious mosquito issue which would give new meaning to the term “slap and tickle.”

Of course Winter has the intense cold problem which would immediately annihilate all the benefits of your product.

Autumn presents the crunchy leaves and branches sticking to the feet situation.

And slithery snakes hiding under the cushy flora and fauna.

So that only leaves us with Spring, which of course, means the awakening of bears.

And believe me they don’t want to wake up to that sort of nonsense after a long Winters hibernation!

You think your biggest problem would be placing an embarrassing phone call to the doctor regarding a four hour erection?

Try dialing up a circus trainer to wrangle a starving grizzly who is staring at an amorous centerfold duo for AARP magazine!

Me thinks you better keep a speed dial to Ranger Bob at the ready in case Mr. Kodiak decides your jiggly backside resembles a pair of hairless Cryptomundos doing the Mamba.

Might be just the appetizer he’s looking for after a long Winters nap!

Cellulite sliders!

So do us all a favor and give us a break.

Show us some folks who are a little more believable in a situation that we can all relate to.

A cooing couple perched in their comfy King size bed with clean sheets.

Bowl of popcorn on their tummies.

Big flat screen glowing at their feet.

Empty Filippi’s pizza box on the floor.

With radiant smiles on their faces cuz “Dancing with the Stars” is about to start.

Now that is romantic!

And probably won’t require a trip to the Emergency Room.

And best thing of all, not a bear or a claw foot bathtub in sight……

…….I’m just sayin’