I have a miniature bat....

As I have mentioned before, I have a new puppy.

She is adorable and yet insane all at the same time. 

She loves to leap like a whirling dervish under my bed and go tinkle if I am not quick enough to stop her. 

The other day I was peering under my bed trying to extract her wiggly body out from underneath it when I spied my miniature wooden bat.

Please let me explain.

Under my bed is a miniature wooden bat.  I'm not sure where it came from or how I came to own it but it is mine nevertheless…….This bat is approximately 1 foot long and as big around as a half dollar at it’s largest end. It looks like a baseball bat "mini me".

I put in under my bed one day in preparation for a house break-in where I figured it would help me fend off robbers.

The ridiculousness of this act never really occurred to me until right that moment. 

Who did I think was going to burgle my house?  A stealthy group of munchkins armed with nothing more than those big round multi-colored suckers from Disneyland?   I am trying to picture any scenario where this bat would help me defend myself EVER!  First of all, the robbers would have to have no weapon AT ALL or at least one that was less effective than a one foot bat….

Take my word for it, there are none.  

Did I think I would wake up from a sound sleep one night, see the robbers gathered around my bed and immediately swing into action?  My arm would miraculously be capable of stretching like Gumby to enable me to reach under my bed WHILE  I was still in it.  Then I would grab the vicious bat and the robbers would stand close enough for me to beat them all senseless?  All the while they wouldn’t have any weapons of their own to defend themselves and would be so frightened of my magical bat that they wouldn’t even try?  

Finally, after all the mayhem was over, I would dial 911 for the police to come and pick up these fiends and hope that the responding officers wouldn’t die laughing at my “citizens arrest”......Or at least be checking the room for the hidden camera for “What Would You Do?”

Hey, it could happen!   As it is, I am not planning any time soon to get rid of my mini bat....I like it.....It suits me.

So just a word to the wise.  If you are thinking of robbing somebody, it would be wise to cross me off your list.   

You could be in for one heck of a nasty whuppin’……..

As long as you would be nice enough to come in reeeeally close for the kill……

.........I’m just sayin”