Where's the Weedwacker?

This is “Hair Week” at blog central and we are exploring the wonders and aggravation of body hair.

Since the beginning of time, human beings roamed the earth and according to old stone tablets in Egypt, or at least The National Enquirer, we have always been covered with hair.

So for the last bajillion or so years men and women communed quite nicely in all of their hairy wonder and no one thought anything about it.  As a matter of fact, our carpets of wonder served a purpose.  It protected our skin from many creatures that love to nestle in our luscious flesh such as fleas, ticks and small tree squirrels.

Then one day somebody, (probably a disgruntled cave husband) decided that he didn’t like his little Fraulein quite so fuzzy and bear-like and exclaimed, “Hey Wilma, I think you should do something about all of your cushy body hair!”  Ironically Mr. Sasquatch never stopped to ask his wifey whether she minded that he also was covered in a large rug of prickly follicles and smelled like a dead wildebeest!

So from that moment forward women have been tromping through life trying to deforest their bodies, only to have it return in all its glory despite our best efforts.

Today we will discuss the trials of leg hair…..

Now in many other countries women are respected and honored whether or not they sport hair on their lovely gams or not.

But in these United States there is an unwritten rule that women’s legs must be smooth as glass and stubble free to make a woman worth her salt.

Heaven forbid if she venture out the door with shorts on and not be as clean shaven and silky as a babies bum.

It is unthinkable to go to the beach with any hint of hair on any part of your body especially your legs.

When I was a kid, (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth), there was a commercial for Nair that exclaimed, “Who wears short shorts?”  “We wear short shorts!”  “If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for short shorts!”  WHAT??? If I DARE wear short shorts?  So they liken being hairy legged and wearing shorts to what? Climbing the alps or being an astronaut?….Really? 

I tell you what my little chorus line of dancing beauties, if I wanna wear short shorts and have my flaxen locks bend in the wind, I will do just that and I DARE you to say something to me!!

We even resort to concocting boiling pots of scalding wax which we then spread over our legs with little popsicle sticks and as a final step administer a cloth over the designated area of deforestation and yank the hair out by its nerve jarring roots!!!  WHOA THERE NELLY!

All I can say ladies is, STOP THE MADNESS!

One of the good things about getting older is the “I don’t care what other people think” philosophy.

Here is an instance where this philosophy applies perfectly.

I frankly don’t give a rats’ patootie if my legs are hairy or not!

I enjoy it when people compliment me on my shiny knee highs from Target when in fact it is 3 years of my well brushed leg growth.

So what if when I put on panty hose the hair is long enough to stick through the holes?   It’s Winter and it saves on my heating bills. 

And just so you know, when it gets long enough you can actually pluck one of your bristly friends and pick your teeth with it.  Hey reduce, reuse, recycle, right?

I consider it my part in the “Save the Earth”, “Back to Nature” campaign.

As far as shaving goes, I do not participate in that skin chafing ritual any more.  

I gave that up when I tried to purchase a package of Venus razor blades and they asked for the mortgage to my house….Are these things made of diamonds or what???

BTW,  if a modern day Sasquatch ever gives you a hard time, just walk up, give him a quick titty twister through his Beefy Tee and defile his man cave with copies of Oprah Magazine….

He will know who he's dealing with!

As for me when my leg hair gets totally out of hand and I start to pick up stickers and candy wrappers on my calves as I walk through the grass, I just pull out my weekwacker and fire that baby up!

That way when I am finished with my legs. I just start on the front yard.

………I’m just sayin