It sucks getting old...

It  sucks getting old…..

Obviously…..

As my Daddy used to say, it sure beats the alternative which is being dead but it is hard dealing with the daily issue of pieces of you wearing out and falling off and other assorted body mayhem.

One of these things is hair loss, gain, management and redistribution.

This week we will be addressing the issue of women and hair.

 Facial, body, nose, and all other fuzzy areas. 

Today class, we will focus on facial.

As I grow older I find one of the most annoying things to deal with is facial hair.  As luck and Mother Nature (who is cruel) would have it, I am sprouting hair on my chin faster than a pre-pubescent 14 year old boy. 

Considering that I am a woman, this is troublesome.

There are little landmine areas with tiny black hairs that apparently are rooted in the soles of my feet, because no matter how many times or how often I pluck them, they rear their pointy black heads again almost immediately!

There is one pesky renegade that I believe is on a miniature spindle like the ticket machine for the paint mixing department in Home Depot. 

The minute you pluck it out another pops immediately into its place…..aggravating and unsightly.

I mean how can I aspire to be crowned “Miss AARP of 2012” if I have more fuzz on my chin than Osama Bin Laden?

We spend countless hours and money on creams and treatments to fend off this hairy onslaught only to fall hopelessly on the couch, tweezers in hand, staring into our “natural light” magnifying glass (no one should have to ever look at themselves in one of these wicked inventions!), and end up drowning our sorrows in the only candy we have left in the house…..which sadly are the “Peeps” left over from last Easter.

Some people just throw in the towel and don’t even try to battle the windmill. 

I saw a woman one day who had a chin whisker that was so long it was actually blowing in the breeze!

She just looked like any normal gal.  She didn't appear to be dressed to go to a Disney audition for any witchy kind of role.  So I wondered to myself if her eyesight was so bad that she truly just didn’t see it or was just choosing to ignore this long singular goat-like hair.

I had a vision of myself sneaking up behind her and tying a tiny miniature bell onto it so that when it blew in the wind at least she would enjoy a melodic serenade…..

She probably wouldn’t have appreciated my thoughtfulness.  

My next thought was if she lived alone.  Cuz if she lived with ANYBODY how could they keep from screaming, “Hey, you got a 6 inch hair hanging from your chin!” “Are you gonna take care of that or what?”

Anyway, as I watched her prance off into the distance I thought,

She’s sooo lucky!    She is not burdened by the worry of society's distaste of women with facial hair! 

She's free and confident!  

Plus just think of all the money she’s saving on tweezers and magnifying mirrors!

…….I’m just sayin’