And That's All I Need!

Had to drive back to LALAland last week after work due to unexpected car insanity.

This required me to ride the red eye Amtrak back home from Los Angeles Union Station.

I purchased my ticket and sat myself down in the lobby of the train station to observe the local wildlife.

People watching happens to be one of my favorite pastimes and I always find some reason to have a chuckle because after all, we are dealing with human beings

Because of its size and comfort factor, Union Station has an issue with the homeless coming inside and setting up camp amongst the train travelers.

Due to this problem, the security guard frequently sweeps the lobby asking people to see their tickets to make sure they are actually going on the train or just setting up shop in the fluffy leather chairs.

I plopped myself down and sitting next to me was a 20 something girl with approximately 10 various pieces of luggage strewn about her feet.

The security guard reached our section and politely said, “Excuse me folks, can I please see everyone’s ticket?”

To which “Miss Thang” replies, “Seriously?  Do you want me to look for it in all of this luggage?”  “I have been traveling for three months and everything that I own in the world is in these bags.”

She then turns to the guy next to her and starts her speech:

“Yes, I decided that I was going to go on my life journey and find out what the universe has in store for me.”  “So I just took the bare necessities and have been going everywhere my heart leads.”  Blah, blah, blah, blah, yammer, yammer, yammer, yammer……endless droning.

Talking head.

The entire time I was thinking.

Really Toots?  Nobody gives a flyin' flip about your mission to Mecca.

It’s the middle of the night and the man is just trying to do his job.

He just wants to see your ticket.

And by the way, the last time I looked, Buddha didn’t carry around 14 Gucci bags, a Blackberry and an IPad.

He had a knapsack full of dried fish.

And a loincloth.

So climb down off your high horse and find your ticket, “Miss Enlightenment”, before I bore a hole into your empty skull with my vicious stare.

This is the reason that I would last about 5 minutes if I was a mall cop.

There would be a whole lot of tasering going on.

The first time some pimply faced dumb bunny smarted off to me I would be wrestling them to the ground and screaming. “Call me a pig, will ya?”  “Well, oink, oink, THIS Junior Achievement!”

Then it would involve the authorities being called…..

Not pretty.

This is all an example of one of my pet peeves which is people who are rude to service personnel.

Listen up guys and gals, if you are ever out on a date and he or she is rude to the waiter or waitress or valet or anybody who happens to be doing anything NICE for them,

RUN LIKE THE WIND!!

This means they have no manners and were raised by wolves.

Actually wolves probably have some type of social rules, like don’t start to eat the dead deer without first saying your prayers.

If they are obnoxious to total strangers to try to impress you, then eventually they will find some reason to be rude to you and that will make you want to hit them with your shoe.

Preferably in front of a waiter or waitress.

Plus you never know how many times you will be consuming a spit wad in your entrée because of the loud mouth loser.

So as I watched the security guard patiently waiting for “The Golden Child” to dig out her ticket, I thought that this the exact reason we should all be allowed to carry around a Nerf bat.

Plastic handle.

Foam rubber on the end.

Anyone should be able to whip out one of those puppies and pummel rudeniks when the situation calls for it.

Just to knock a little sense into em' without the messy blood factor.

As I was imagining what the look on her face would be if I starting whacking her about the ears and neck, I started to laugh.

To which she turned to me and said, “Is something funny?”

To which I said, “No, not at all.” “I was just thinking that I have my ticket right here in my hand cuz all I am carrying with me is one purse.”

“You see I’ve been traveling for three months on my life journey to find out what the universe has in store for me and I just took the bare necessities with me.  Like a toothbrush and my credit card and my wallet.”  “Oh, and as a homage to Steve Martin, this ashtray.”

She never cracked a smile.

I didn’t care.

But that security guard sure was amused.

……I’m just sayin’