Pssssstttt.....

I have to go to work really early in the morning.

This means I have to set my alarm for 4:00 A.M.

That’s early.

Not even the early bird or the worms are up that early.

Good thing I don’t have to do it very often or I would just turn into a giant walking under-eye circle.

When I was in my 20’s I used to work the early shift at the Safeway grocery store.

It was from 3:00 a.m. to 12 noon.

I used to tell my BFF, who also happened to be one of my roommates, that it was great to work that early because then you had the whole day to play when you got off work at noon.

Her reply to this was, “But you come home , lay down for “just a minute”, fall asleep until 5:00 p.m and then get up and go to bed!” 

“So you may as well work 9-5!”

True Dat.

The main problem with the 3-12 a.m. shift was that my roommates worked the exact opposite hours which was 3:00 pm until Midnight.

They were fun, frolicking, feisty 20-somethings who as luck would have it, were always getting off work at the precise moment that the night crew finished their shifts.

When we decided to become roomies, we had serendipitously stumbled upon a giant 3 bedroom house, on a canyon, with a massive living room that was barely a barely a mile from our store.

So naturally our house was the perfect place for everybody to hang out and wind down after a hard day in the retail rat race.

The obvious drawback to this scenario was the fact that at 1 o'clock in the morning our house would be invaded by a rowdy band of raucous ruffians who were fresh from the produce department and all riled up and rearing to go!

At the exact same time, I was trying to catch my last few precious winks of shut-eye before my wake-up call at 2 a.m.

Occasionally I would be roused from my bear-like slumber by the sounds of people laughing, the stereo blasting and general foolishness which inevitably ensued at these late night gatherings.

But luckily I am a very sound sleeper and usually this hub-bub would not make a dent in my snooze time.

But one night the maniacal crew was feeling particularly clever and decided they would try to harass the sleeping giant.

The gag was to trick me into thinking that there was a bunch of naked men in my bed with me.

So here was 8 or 9 guys, all of them shirtless, who had strategically placed themselves around the perimeter of my double bed in the dark.  The problem was they were trying very hard to hunch down so that I couldn’t see that they all still had their pants on.

This was difficult…

 If not impossible…..

Cuz….

They got the giggles…..

And……

They couldn’t wake me up.

My kids claim that I can sleep anywhere at any time.

There aren’t too many places that given the right stage of sleep deprivation and a spot to lay my head, I can’t nod off at the drop of a hat

But I was in my own comfy bed, in the middle of the night, in the dark…

Pssssst

“Wake uuuuppppp”

“Hey!”

“Wake uuuppppp!”

“HEY!”

I honestly don’t know how long this charade drug on before one of them literally pushed his face directly into mine and yelled, “WAKE UP!”

At which I opened one eye long enough to see the horde of half-naked co-workers leaping skyward  like spritely leprachauns and giggling hysterically.

My response to this was, “You guys are freaks!”

And I promptly feel back to sleep.

I was being a member of the "Fuddy Duddy Club".

.As you get older there are certain things you live to regret.

I regret not changing my shift to match my roommates.

I regret not playing along with their clever little joke.

At least for a little while.

And I CERTAINLY  regret not taking advantage of 9 half-naked men.

In my bedroom,

In the middle of the night,

In the dark.

.......I'm just sayin'