Anybody got a flashlight?

Glossophobia is defined as having speech anxiety or the 

fear of public speaking.

I read a survey once that people rank speaking in front of an

audience right with up there with death as one of their

biggest fears.

Whoa there….

That’s amazing…

Maybe it goes back to those good old days in elementary

school of abject humiliation,when the teacher would make 

us stand up and read or ask us for  

an answer with everybody watching.

I remember as she moved around the room and crept 

closer to me, my heart would begin to race and I would get

all nervous and sweaty.

Kids are brutal little demons and you knew if you messed

up or didn’t know the answer, the tittering would begin and

you would get laughed at and poked in the back with
pencils.

Which brings me to a story I was told by my friend who

belonged to a church that encouraged the young men to

give “talks” in front of the entire congregation.

She told the tale of this particular afternoon when a friend of

hers was scheduled to present his lesson to their ward.

Now this guy was a comedian.  He was always the one

telling the joke or acting a clown and this day would be no

different.

But he (like most people) for all of his bravado, was nervous

about his speech and decided he would do something to

draw the attention away from himself and make sure that no

one would actually listen to what he had to say.

His name was announced, and he slowly walked to the

center podium to face the crowd and proceeded to do the

most bizarre thing ever!

What he did next is based upon the premise that there are

four words that are almost impossible to say to someone.

I mean there is, “I want a divorce.”, or "your baby is ugly",

but with a little encouragement you can usually squeak

those out if you really need to.

The four words I am referring to are, “You have a booger.”

As in, dried nasal mucus.

King, Queens, Presidents and commoners alike are

suddenly struck dumb when faced with a nose sporting a

dangling particle of nasal matter.

We either try to ignore it (which is impossible and makes

you stare at it more), or we try the infamous horizontal finger

nose sweep hoping that the "booger haver" will pick up on

our signal.

That never works.....

Or we usually just say nothing and spend the day with the

co-worker, boss, friend, neighbor or casual acquaintance

and try not to gag when we have to look them in the face.

It’s a tricky situation.

So the young comedian had managed to procure a tiny

opaque flashlight bulb which he had placed in a

handkerchief the evening before his soon to be infamous

presentation.

As he walked to the front of the church, he pretended to

blow his nose and while doing so placed the bulb inside of

his nostril.

He strategically pushed it into his nose just enough so that

from a distance it appeared he had a large, gleaming snot

bubble threatening to fall at any moment.

He then proceeded to give his talk with courage and

enthusiasm to the stunned audience.

I know in their disgust and horror not a single word that he

spoke registered in their brains.

All they could think about, all they could concentrate on,was

this giant boogery snot pouch hanging from his nose.

He was just like Charlie Browns’ teacher “waa, waaing “

what could have been total nonsense for 30 minutes.

They didn’t care what he was talking about.

They couldn’t take their eyes off of his train wreck of nasal

waste!

But the most brilliant thing of all was at the end of his talk

he calmly pulled out his handkerchief, pretended to blow

his nose, and yanked the bulb from its nostril nest.

No one was ever the wiser.

Nobody in the audience was EVER going to say, "Hey

buddy, did you know you had a huge hunk of snot in your

nose during your talk?"

A perfect crime!!

The only people who were in on the joke were a few of his

closest buddies.

Until now.

So if you ever have a major presentation scheduled at

work ,take a page from his book and bring along a flashlight

and a handkerchief just in case.

And if you ever give me a horizontal nose sweep, I will know

just what you are trying to say!

…….I’m just sayin.