They say you are a Snuff Queen

I have always marveled at the accomplishments of the many tough, powerful women in history as well as those who have lived in my lifetime.

Women who have overcome numerous obstacles including sexism, racism, ageism and the age old misconception that women are weak willed as well as second class citizens.

The extraordinary stories of Anne Frank, Margaret Thatcher, Mother Theresa, Beatrice Potter, Queen Elizabeth I, Isabella I of Castile, Frida Kahlo and countless others, as well as contemporary women such as Oprah, Maya Angelou and Barbara Walters are diverse and limitless in the challenges they faced, as well as their courage and motivation to succeed.

But by far one of the strongest women I ever knew happened to be my Grandma Mac.

Don’t get me wrong, she was not your average “cuddle up with me and bake cookies” kind of gal.

She could frankly be, what’s the word?

Oh, I know!

Cantankerous....

She could be pleasant when she wanted to be, but most of the time if she was only “cranky” it was a red-letter day.

I loved her cuz she was a woman after my own heart.

I remember my mother telling me that she was a schoolteacher before she married my Grandpa at the age of 21, which was kind of late in life in those days for a girl to be married.

She was not allowed to teach after her marriage because of social pressures and I think that kind of ticked her off.

In my memory I never knew her to be anything but old.

My Grandpa and Grandma were both born in 1892 and sadly he passed away when he was only 69 years old.

My Grandma Mac died two months short of her 95^th birthday.

So she learned to be very self sufficient and set her in her ways.

And she didn’t care if you liked her or not.

My mother called her one day and unlike her normal routine, she took quite a while answering the phone.  As she was old, my Mom was obviously concerned until she finally picked up the receiver, out of breath and excited.

“Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone, I had cornered a possum on my back porch and had to cut off his head with a hoe.” (she was in her 80’s at the time)  “The devil was eating my potatoes and making a mess in there!”

Seriously??

Where do you think I got my "Samurai Snake" abilities from?

Her passion was baseball and she watched every game she could, kept up with all the stats, players and standings up until the day she died.

She also LOVED wrestling!

You know the pre-WFW kind, all fakey with the guys in onesies, jumping on each others heads, growling and throwing each other into the audience.

Heaven help the poor fool who said something like, “You know this is fake, Grandma.”

You better grab your butt and run cuz she would be all over you like stink on a skunk!

WHAT???

WHAT???

“NO IT’S NOT!!!” 

“WHO TOLD YOU THAT???”

“JUST LOOK AT WAHOO MCDANIEL THERE. DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE’S PLAYING TO YOU??”

“THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS HERE, MISSY!!!!”

“Okey, Dokey Smokey” (as you slunk from the room with your tail between your legs.)

But by far the coolest/grossest thing about my Grandma was the fact that she indulged in the lovely habit of dipping snuff! (I told you she wasn’t the typical Hallmark Granny!)

Brown powdery snuff in tiny mason jars with twist on lids which she kept in her kitchen on the same shelf with the sugar and dishes.

I remember watching her spoon it into her mouth and trying not to stare.(or gag)

This meant that strewn throughout her house were old empty tin cans with Grandmas snuff-tinted spittle.

You were in big trouble if you ever messed with these strategically placed spittoons.

Totally disgusting and yet strangely alluring to a youngster. 
Kind of like picking a scab and looking at what was underneath it.

Many a time I would stand and stare into the iridescent brown murky water and think, “Just what is the point of this?”

We would always go visit her in the Summer in Oklahoma as that was the only time my Dad could get a vacation from work.

And my mother would spend the entire time cooking and making sure she had everything she wanted.

She was one tough customer.

We came out of church one Sunday and to any of you who have not visited Oklahoma in the Summer, it is not for sissies.

110 plus in the shade with 95% humidity. 

As we were pulling away from the church parking lot my Dad said,”let’s pick up some hamburgers from the drive-thru cuz it’s too hot for your Mama to cook.”  To which my Grandma said, “I don’t want anything cuz she said she would cook me some lunch.”  My Dad replied, “She isn’t cooking anything today because it’s too hot.” “Do you want anything?”   Grandma, “I don’t like their food.”(bear in mind this was one of her favorite places and she enjoyed their burgers on many occasions)……My Dad, “Suit yourself, but she isn’t cooking in this heat.”

Now as a side note to the story, if you ever travel to the Mid-West they have a lot of something we don’t have out here on the West Coast, (at this point my cousin would slyly suggest common sense), and that is cemeteries.  Just about every neighborhood or street  has a very large conspicuous cemetery complete with numerous massive headstones. 

So as we sat in the drive-up window, positioned across the street from us, right in our line of vision, was one of these gigantic cemeteries.  

Grandma: aka “Drama Queen”, “Well if you guys won’t make me anything for lunch you may as well just drive me over and bury me in that cemetery across the street cuz I will be starving to death anyway!”

My Dad: aka “One Cool Customer”, “As I said, suit yourself, but she isn’t cooking for you.”

“But I will drive you over there after we pick up our hamburgers.”

Crickets…….

Grandma: “I guess I’ll have a cheeseburger.”

Which she quietly ate and was appropriately appreciative and thankful for.

Grandma Mac......

What a woman.....
I miss her, she was one of a kind.

It is because of her that I never even dreamed of smoking or whipping out a package of Redman and having a "chew"!

Although in my life I have gone toe-to-toe with my share of critters.

…………I’m just sayin’