Trash Day Rorschach

It’s trash day today.

And as such I just got to thinking this morning how the personalities of the neighbors can be measured by their trash can techniques.

As you know, the city distributes little cards with magnets on the back of them to stick on your fridge that show us the schedule for trash collection in your area.

The cards have little calendars with the holidays highlighted in orange and the week that the recycling can goes to the curb notated with blue stripes.

This is not rocket science.

But inevitably you will drive down the street on trash day and certain people have their recycling cans at the curb on the non-recycling weeks…….Duh

What’s wrong with these folks?

Aren’t they lemmings like the rest of us?

Once they see that no one on their block is putting out the blue can wouldn’t they check their little frig calendar and figure it out?

These are the same people who when they were in school would turn in their assignments a week late and whine , “I just didn’t know!” “I thought it was due this week!”

So then to cover up their faux paus, they leave the can out for an entire week until the recycyling day rolls around again. 

That way the next week they look like they are really on top of the trash day program.

This is a waste of time.

We already know they are calendar challenged.

Plus people put junk in there to hassle them that is not recycling.

Like their children.

Some psychologist should do a case study on determining peoples personality traits by their trash can habits.

A "Trash Day Rorschach" test.

There are the procrastinators like me who are startled awake by the sound of the trash truck and scamper to the curb dragging the dewy can in our wake.

Then we race through the house grabbing the stinkiest garbage that HAS to go out RIGHT NOW!

The trash truck guys have seen us in our jammies countless times…..

There are the anal retentive trash owners who meticulously take out their trash on a daily and or hourly basis so as not to miss a single crumb of waste

You will see these folks the morning of the recycling day sneaking out to put that one last toilet paper roll in the can before the truck gets there.

Can’t have that massive paper product hanging around for another week!

When I was a kid real people used to ride on the back of garbage trucks!

The truck would roll to a stop.  Large burly men would leap down, grab your stinky cans and dump your trash into the grinding jaws of the masticating machinery.

Then they would wave at me and continue on down the street.

I thought that would be a fun job.

I was dumb.

I’m sure hour after hour of back-breaking lifting of the grossest stuff imaginable in the scorching sun or cold and rain was just incredibly fulfilling!

Now there is one guy that drives the truck with the giant claw whose job is to yank the can away from the curb and press the lever to empty it into the top of the bin.

Easier.

But not as cool.

I bet he gets lonely in there.

Which is why I always time my dash to curb so I can wave at him.

And I love it when he honks the horn for me.

And he LOVES my new spring jammies!

…………….I’m just sayin’