You Like Those????

Someone brought candy to work yesterday.

Actually someone FOUND candy in their office and brought it into the breakroom to share.

It was promptly devoured.

One box was"ToffeeMacs" which was chocolate covered toffee with macadamias and the other box was some kind of fruit delights.

The box read, "Deliciously Soft Fruit Confections with Premium Nuts and All-Natural Flavors."

Translation, hunks of jelly junk with pieces of unidentifiable fruit inside.

As you can imagine, the chocolate stuff went first and the fruit stuff went beggin'.

This got me to thinking about classes of candy and its hierarchy in the sugar food chain.

It’s a well-known fact that there are types of candy that are second class sugar citizens.

Like the "Dum-Dums" that have been in a bowl since Halloween and it’s now closing in on Easter.

Then there are the eternal “Peeps.”

When I was young they only made them in the shape of little yellow chicks, hence the name.

But now they manufacture them for every conceivable holiday.

Santas for Christmas, hearts for Valentines Day, and in case your children are color-blind, the chicks can range from purple to pink to blue and the ever boring yellow.

What is their purpose?

It’s obviously not for eating, except in the case of the .0000001% of the population that actually consume these things.

These are the same folks that pour sugar directly into their stomachs with a funnel and follow it with a marshmallow crème chaser.

They would make excellent food fight fodder.

Imagine the look on some drunk guys face if he was being beaned in the kisser during a St. Paddy’s Day brawl with a sugary Leprechaun!

And they ARE the weapon of choice for the Annual Marshmallow Fight on the 4^th of July in Ocean Beach.

Ammunition with a flair

But other than that, nada’.

So, I mentioned today’s blog subject with my buddies and immediately heated candy choice debates ensued.

My co-workers and I spent the rest of the afternoon looking up “Old Fashioned Candies” on the Internet and discussing their various merits and whether they deserved to still exist.

(Or if this is being read by my boss, we spent the rest of the afternoon slaving away at our jobs.)

After much deliberation we decided that these guys just gotta go.

Mike and Ike, Neccos, Sweet Tarts, Good N’ Plenty, Mentos, Candy Corn (unless you are using them as last minute cupcake decorations), orange Circus Peanuts (always gross and stale no matter where you buy them) and Smarties.

There were many more with their fate still unsure but we had to punch out and go home.

We decided these guys get to stay even though they had some haters in the group.

Tiny Size Chiclets (you have to put all of them in your mouth at once to fully enjoy their flavor).

Candy Necklaces (you have never lived until you eat the whole thing and sport only the string for the rest of the day on your spitty, sticky neck)

Abba-Zabba (eat one of these and you won’t need to pay for that pesky tooth extraction)

Chicken Bones (can’t describe them, you just gotta try them)

Cherry-A-Let (chocolate covered cherry with a twist)

And Big Hunk (again a dentists best friend)

All my favorites and a general consensus of “we like those.”

OF COURSE, anything to do with chocolate or its various variations was a no-brainer retainer.

We never got a chance to delve into the wonders of sucker flavors,

of which there are many.

That will just have to wait until another slow afternoon.

Or if my boss is reading this, we will be discussing that subject later

on our own time. (wink, wink)

.......I'm just sayin'