Junior Mint Fixation

I love chocolate.

Any kind of chocolate.

Dark is not my favorite but it will do in a pinch.

For some reason I always have a candy bar stashed in my sock drawer for chocolate emergencies.

Usually an Almond Joy or Hershey’s with almonds.

Just in case of disaster it would be one of the first things I would grab.

An Almond Joy Armageddon.

Some people keep a bar inside of their purse for random munching pleasure.

My friend has an office at work and inside of her door is a basket with the candies of the season up for grabs.

She spends a fortune keeping the chocolate beasts satisfied.

I’m one of the worst offenders.

Years ago a friend of mine told me that she loved Junior Mints and would eat them in bed at night while reading her current novel in progress.  Her husband hated this practice, so of course she didn’t stop doing it, but would just sneak a box while he was taking his evening shower.

The minute he would turn on the water, she would crack open the box and the minty wafers would transport her to chocolate Nirvana.  One particular night he cut his shower short and she was forced to quickly gobble the last few forbidden goodies before he stepped back into their bedroom. 

Little did she know that in her haste one of the candies had slipped past her eagle eye and wedged itself inside her nightgown against her warm heat producing bottom. 

Now apparently after munching the few candies and stashing the box in her nightstand, her plan was to scooch on over toward the middle of their bed to greet him after he had finished his nighttime hygiene rituals.  She figured this would tame the angry manbeast, lest he smell the tell tale mint on her breath and begin to chastise her.

It sounded good on paper…..

So he saunters into the room still damp from his shower, smelling of Old Spice and pulls back the covers to jump into their warm inviting bed and………

Poo..

Or at least he thought it was poo….

A big, long dark streak of faux chocolate poo trailing from his wife’s bottom and staining her nightie.

“What the heck??”

At this point she peers down, following his horrified gaze to the “stain of shame” and screams,

“NO!!!!!”   “NO!!!!!”

“IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!!!”

“IT’S A JUNIOR MINT, IT’S A JUNIOR MINT!!”

Leaping from the bed like a man possessed, he began to circle the bed, yanking the sheets from the mattress and squealing like a baby piglet.

She was amused.

I don’t know why he was so upset.

It was just a Junior Mints fixation.

It could have been much worse.

She could have truly needed to depend on “Depends”.

Which was almost what I needed when she was telling me this story.

…….I’m just sayin’