Bear Necessities

Now I know I can be somewhat naïve at times and when faced with certain concepts will say, “Wha, wha, what?”

“I don’t get it.”

These can range from Lady Gaga’s meat costume to the idea of a television show devoted to a ladies obsession with sniffing baby powder.

But someone seriously has to explain the idea behind the Charmin Bath Tissue commercials featuring the big multi-colored talking bears.

Again, “Wha, wha, what?”

First of all why are any brands of toilet paper called “Bath Tissue”?

They are not used in the bath. 

Maybe the bathroom perhaps, but using this product in the bath would definitely be useless.

And gooey.

Plus, this could be deemed politically incorrect by those folks who do their doody in an outhouse…..hello!

Second of all, the term tissue is usually used in reference to those squares of paper used to blow your nose.

Unless you have a really bad case of runny noseitis you really should try not to carry around a toilet paper roll in your purse.

That’s just nasty.

And bulky.

And makes the waiter despise you if you put in on the table at a restaurant.

So, I’m trying to envision the concept coordinators for Charmin sitting around one day brainstorming and someone says,

“Hey, why don’t we use some colorful, fat bears to push our product?”

“It would be awesome!”

“We could have the mama bear following her adorable cub everywhere making sure he doesn’t harbor any unsightly fanny fuzz.”

“Her sole purpose in life would be to monitor his bathroom bottom remnants and make sure he is tidy in the tush at all times!”

“What cha’ guys think?”

“Oh my gosh, you are a genius, Walter!”

“I wish I had thought of that!”

And then Walter got a million dollar bonus.

We hate him.

So what I am taking from this is that they equate most American households to a family of bears, and assume a major family crisis problem is the fall-apart, 99-cent-store bum cleaners we use now.

I know I lie awake at night thinking about it.

If you ever go the Del Mar Fair, they have an entire restroom devoted to the Charmin bear theme.

Whimsical flower decorated stalls, Charmin logos everywhere, and for your “standing in line” entertainment, a music video of the hibernating hustlers doing a boogie dance with a four pack of double rolls.

All very inspiring.

I’m just trying to use the bathroom, people!

And inevitably, after suffering through the 10 second loop 64 times, you get in the stall and…..

You guessed it.

No toilet paper.

I guess the other Del Mar farm animals enjoy the Charmin too.

………….I’m just sayin’