Burn those sticky notes!

Cleaning my office this weekend….

Getting ready to do my taxes…..uuggghh.

I always swear to myself that I will dutifully go through my paperwork fresh from the mailbox and sort and file it into the proper places accordingly on a daily basis.

Epic fail.

As it is, I am lucky to forage through the piles of minutia on my desk once a month.

Why do we do this do ourselves?

Is it the only form of rebellion we have left in us?

We are the generation that lived through the tumultuous 60’s!

We can let mountains of mail fall on our heads while we plunk away on our computers if we want to! 

We will burn our sticky notes!  YEAH!

We scoff at the mention of organizational binders!  YEAH!

Pitiful.

Sadly, we know that there is usually nothing good in the mailbox.

No Publishers Clearing House checks, (those are too big), no Birthday or Christmas cards,(who writes those on actual paper anymore? )  What a concept….

Nothing good.

Ever..

My mail box has an actual lock on it.

Why do I do this?

I stood in the middle on the street one day and tried in vain to distribute my bills to lucky passersby but there were no takers. 

Why would I think someone would take the time to “Mission Impossible” my mailbox?

It would be the worst payoff ever.

Last week  I received in the mail, on the SAME day, an offer to join AARP, an offer for a discount on a will AND a flyer from a cemetery for burial plots!!!!!

How did they know I might require these items?

Did they see buzzards circling my house?

No wonder I don’t want to open the mailbox anymore!

But back to the bills.

I just won’t open them and see how they like it!

I’m thumbing my nose at you, Water Department!

Unfortunately, unless you have a personal porta-potty in your garage, this can be a costly as well as smelly mistake.

Plus the Water Department doesn’t care if you have water.  They are busy working on the eternal repair of the pipes in the street and leaving those little annoying A-frame reminders everywhere. 

This was an actual sign that was posted on my street last week.

“NO PARKING OR DRIVING FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS DUE TO SLURRY APPLICATION”

WHAT??  WHAT??

What is slurry anyway?

It sounds like a distant cousin to a Slurpy and I don’t think that would hold up to street traffic.

At least not in Summer.

Plus, how do they think I am going to get to my house for three days?

Especially if I am lugging all the unnecessary plastic objects that I just purchased at the 99 cent store and a 64 pack of toilet paper!

Unless I own a camel or have a car like Inspector Gadget, that is going to be difficult. 

I think to make everyone happy about the street situation, they should have let us park at Qualcomm stadium and provided quaint little shuttles complete with fuzzy dice to distribute us to our respective homes.  They could have served tiny lattes as an added bonus.

That would have been civilized…

And fun….

As it is, due to my lax filing system, all I get from the Water Department is one of those red final bill notices that my water is going to be disconnected.

I thought I paid that….

Or was that last month?

Or the month before?

They are so fussy.

The least they could have done was enclose a coupon for a latte.

That would have been nice.

Unfortunately, by the time I opened the bill it would have already expired….

……..I’m just sayin’