Refrigerator Management

It’s trash day tomorrow and I am exhausted.

Long day at work and as I peer into the icy depths of my Kenmore I ask myself the age old question.

Do I really need to clean this out tonight?

Unless you are one of those chronically clean people, ( I knew a lady who vacuumed her crisper drawers on a weekly basis......she was nuts), most folks refrigerators tend to be the equivalent of the Mojave Desert of your kitchen.

Some things go in, and are never seen or heard from again.

In my opinion, The Learning Annex should offer a course in Refrigerator Management.

Some of the reading material would include chapters such as:

Are expiration dates merely a suggestion?

How green is too green?

And, Is mold considered a food group?

My parents were raised as children of the depression and as a result were taught that nothing should ever be wasted.

This translated into the practice of promptly storing any leftovers and using them for another meal later in the week.

Unfortunately, they also never wasted money on high falutin’ storage containers that you could actually see through.

This meant things were placed in butter tubs, cottage cheese containers and any other recyclable items we had on hand.

It was not uncommon to be faked out by a big slab of cauliflower masquerading as butter in the Country Crock margarine tub.

Very tough to spread on your Wonder Bread.

So consequently, it is very difficult for me to evaluate heirachy in the leftover department.   

As a result, instead of immediately trashing something after a meal, I usually store it at least a week and then throw it away.

It makes me feel less guilty.

These are some actual items that are currently residing in my freezer and refrigerator.

An ancient bag of broccoli florets from Traders Joes.

I don’t even like broccoli.

These were transported down from my daughters’ apartment when she graduated from college.

That was in 2010.

An opened bag of frost-bitten Chicken Gyoza Potstickers. 

I got nothin’ for this.

A package of Garlic Naan.

What is Naan and is it good when it’s garlic flavored?

A fluid-filled mask for reducing dark under eye circles.

Those of you who know me can testify this has never been used.

A joke ice cube with a fly in it.

You never know when this will come in handy.

And the saddest thing of all.

A massive Ziploc bag of fast food packets.

This blatant reminder of horrific junk food comsumption compelled me to write this letter which I previously posted on Facebook.

Dear persons working at the fast food take-out window,

Thank you so much for your hard work and diligence in dealing with the general public.

I am sure it must be frustrating sorting through the grunts and “hold on just a minutes” of the people who wind their way through your drive-up on a daily basis.  Most of these clowns act like they have never seen the menu of Jack in the Box or McDonalds in their lifetime and peruse the screen as if gazing at a mystical oracle of some kind……

ORDER A CHEESEBURGER FOR PETE’S SAKE AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!

My question to you is this.  When you ask me how many packets of taco sauce, butter or ketchup I want, why is it that no matter my answer you always give me approximately 42??   I have a hefty bag of these items in my fridge now and because I was a child of parents raised in the depression cannot bring myself to throw them away!!  (this does NOT apply to Ranch Dressing which is as scarce as Plutonium)

YOU WANT MORE RANCH??..... five dollars please.

You may ask why I ordered any in the first place if I have so many at home and the answer is obvious….

The ones in my fridge are COLD and would make my fries so much less tasty….DUH.

So please help save your manager some money and added grief.  The poor guy bears a strong resemblance to Bruce Willis as it is from scratching his head and wondering why eight cases of ketchup are gone after two days.

Bottom line is, one actually means one.

Thank you so much for listening and please don’t spit in my food the next time you see me at your window.

Your loyal customer

So for now I can't even consider the issue of the crisper drawer, where a small palm tree is growing out of a radish, which is sitting next to a wrinkled bell pepper, that has been in residence since Thanksgiving.

Like I said, it’s late and I just don’t have the energy to make crucial food jettison decisions.

I think I’ll just have a glass of milk with some cookies and go to bed.

Now when the milk folks say “Use by February 14^th”, do you think they really mean it?

Or is that merely a suggestion?

…….I’m just sayin’