Happy 100th Birthday!

Went to a birthday party last night.

My adorable co-worker turned 27 and was kind enough to invite me to the 20-something celebration.

Considering I am old enough to be the mother of everyone in attendance, it was very thoughtful.

(They occasionally patted me on the head and force fed me saltines when I got too raucous.)

Being that I was raised to exhibit good manners, beforehand I stopped into a close-out type store to pick up a birthday card to give her.

As I was not privy to her actual age at the time, I perused the aisle of cards looking for something generic and yet amusing.

There were none……

Lame……

All of them………

Because I tend to lean towards purchasing cards with crude

child-like humor and singing underwear,

(e.g. the Happy Birthday “thong”), this was disappointing.

I  immediately noticed a row of cards that caught my attention.

They had at least 4 or 5 cards for someone who was 100 years old!

Really?

I know with all the medical advances that there are some Centenarians out there.

But I’m thinking they are few and far between.

Certainly not enough to require an entire row in the card section.

So being the curious type, I plucked one of these babies down and read the verse.

“Enjoy your day surrounded by your friends.”

Now I’m imagining that if you are lucky enough to reach the age of 100, there are probably not too many of your homies sticking around to help blow out the bonfire on your cake. (Except maybe the cryptkeeper)

Sadly, most of these folks have exited stage right.

My amazing mother reached the ripe old age of 92 and since she possessed the same bizarre and yet entertaining sense of humor that I do would often proclaim.

“I read the obits this morning and old “so and so” died!”

“Guess ALL my friends are dying!”

“Guess I should be happy I’m still around!”

True Dat…..

So back to the dilemma of the birthday card.

I did the only thing that I could do…….

I bought the card for her……

Now I know she’s not 100, but I figured since I didn’t know her age she would fit into that sliding scale of agehood. (come on people, I know that’s not a real word!)   

Anything UP to 100 would work!

What a brilliant concept!

She could keep getting that same card from me for the next 73 years!

Ingenious!

I was sold!

As a side note, it was a good thing I bought that card

I’m not saying the service was slow but I think she turned 28, WHILE WE WERE SITTING THERE!

On the up side, we were able to enjoy each others company for three hours…

On the down side, they charged us 18% automatic gratuity for this privilege…..

People were writing nasty little ditties on the top of their bills…..

“So apparently you had to actually DIG a well before you could bring me water?”

Whatever……

So eventually I stumbled back home exhausted…..(after all it was past 8:30), and considered how blessed I was to have spent the evening surrounded by friends.

And not one of them even RESEMBLED the cryptkeeper….

At least not for now……

But if he shows up, I have a birthday card for him…….

………I’m just sayin’