It’s Saturday and it’s raining……..
Oooookaaaaay……..
Gorgeous all week and then Saturday comes and the weather says, “there you go wench, you wanted the couch, now you HAVE to have the couch……
Upsetting……
I was going to go golfing today…….NOT!
Well, I was planning to go outside for at least 10 minutes or so….
Maybe….
If I can get out of my jammies……..
And if my pup stops using me for a chew toy.
Being a native San Diegan, I know that those of us who live here are all incredibly spoiled by the weather.
In other parts of the country people can be battling foot high snow drifts, tornadoes, hurricanes and floods and all we can come up with is…..
Woah, it was FOGGY this morning!
Yep, that’s us….
We San Diegans are wimpy about the weather and proud of it!
Won’t find us cavorting with Bear Grylls….
No siree.
I have a crazy cousin who prides himself on battling the weather whenever he can. He relishes the scream of a tornado siren and scoffs at the mention of golf ball sized hail. He claims that whenever they signal that a hurricane is coming, he strips down naked, rapidly dons a leopard patterned thong, (don’t even ask), covers himself in cooking oil, (I told you not to ask), runs to his own personal windmill in his front yard, (I’m not making this up) and lashes himself at the top to roar in the face of the hurricane beast.
I have not personally witnessed this phenomenon because if I had I would have promptly scratched out my eyes with a couple of dinner forks.
But it’s rumored to be true. (yes, he is deranged.)
This is why I love him….
He’s my kinda cattle….
As for me, I am content to bask in the San Diego sunshine and brave the occasional earthquake or the dreaded low lying clouds.
Not today though.
It’s drizzling and I am as sensitive to water as the Wicked Witch of the West.
So, I have a date with my remote control and an entire weeks worth of DVR junk…
Don't judge me.......
Hey, I’m already dressed for it.
……….I’m just sayin'
Posts
Cousin reply: I have been informed of ludicrous rumors that have befallen the world of electronic communication. I have obtained an actual print out of personal, intimate, rituals I personally conduct on regular intervals. These very sacred activities, of which I have only disclosed to a few trustworthy souls, have apparently made public to the whole world!
ReplyDeleteI was told this was on a "blog" which I have no idea what that is. The best I can figure is it might be some type of sebacious cyst normally found in one's armpit.
May I correct some of the most flagrant inaccuracies of this attack. We do not have hurricanes in my state, hurricanes are for sissies! We have butt slamming 300MPH tornados that will scoop you up, tear out your spleen and cram it in your ear while it drives you in the ground like a fence post! Now that's good stuff! Now I am scoffed at for maintaining my vigil atop my trusty mill to warn poor souls of impending disaster! I do not use "cooking oil" as stated, I use 30W motor oil as it make large hail stones slide off on impact rather than ripping my flesh. My welding goggles protect me from the lightning flashes so my retinas won't burn.
As for the thong, it is a very important also. Not only does it keep me from being arrested it also protects my tender buttock. I cannot afford to have red marks when shooting thong commercials!
I will say if any "thong photos" make to the electronic spectrum I will personally come to San Diego and take care of the problem.
Speaking of San Diego where everyone is caught up in their day after day weather pattern of warm sunshine, flowers, palm trees, and ocean breeze. You sissies need to experience real life, get out there and check out the real world. Some of you older ones better bring you Depends as you will need them during tornado season!
So far on my bucket list I have experienced tornados, an earthquake, almost saw a space shuttle launch and locust. I still have to take on a hurricane and see the Northern lights. I don't have time to sit in my repetitive weather cycle and possibly experience a sweat bead!
I must admit in my older years the cold does take it's toll more so than it use to. Last year we hit -31 degrees which will frost the cookies! As an alternative I have started (during the winter) adorning my thong/depends, going into a dark room lit by 37 scented candles, rub down with KY jelly, and shaving my body hair while listening to a 78 RPM record by Slim Whitman. I find this relaxing and puts me in tune with my aroma!