Possum Update!!!

For those of you who don’t know…..

I have a possum.

He resides in my junk-filled garage which I have been in the middle of de-junking  for the past 19 years…..

Not kidding.......(both about the 19 years and the possum.)

I discovered he was in there one lovely Saturday morning when I started to grab what I thought was a box of stuffed animals but was in fact his bristly bony back.

He was incredibly angry about this invasion of his possumy space and proceeded to turn around, bare his long pointy teeth at me and hiss REALLY loudly….

Okay junior, I got the point.

Here is his mug shot.

I thought because I had disturbed his verminy slumber, he would leave…..

I was wrong….

He sat there in his lofty perch inside a “Little Tikes” mountain and glared at me all day.

So I did the only thing I knew would work to make him leave.

I wrote him a letter.

It read as follows:

Dear Large Angry Possum,

Although it has been rumored that my home and garage are a great place to crash (those gossipy ants!), I must order you to vacate my garage at once. I am sure your Little Tikes mountain is very warm and toasty but your eating habits and bathroom etiquette force me to insist you must find other accommodations. If you do not leave immediately, I must remind you that I have a samurai sword from Oklahoma and I am not afraid to use it…..(just ask the headless rattlesnake from my basement the next time to run into him)

Sincerely,

Your annoyed, albeit respectful landlord.

Apparently he doesn’t read……

He did move from his Little Tikes condo, but relocated into the front part of the garage where again I literally ran into him while working a few weeks later.

He must have been applying a natural woodsy "Crate and Barrel type" style to his abode cuz this is how his new home looked.

Either that or he had been reading a copy of the  “The Three Little Pigs” that he found in all the clutter and was thrilled by the idea of a house of straw.

He leaped from my vision and scampered away only to turn up moments later inside an old bookcase.

That is his beady eye glaring at me from inside his new hiding place.

Apparently his wild kingdom mentality told him that he was cornered and when he realized the jig was up he did the only thing he knew how……

He closed his eyes…..

As I told my friends, he must have also had cable installed in the garage and had been watching Harry Potter over summer break because he thought he had his tiny“invisibility cloak” on.

If I can’t see her, she can’t see me…….

But as the tale continues, I couldn’t kill him….

His eyes were too full of possumy angst and I was chicken…..

Whatever…….

Don’t judge me til you’ve walked a mile in my possum-havin’ shoes.

So since then I have had occasional possum sightings while working in my garage.

A hairy back there, a small piece of feces here, tiny claw-like footprints a few times.

I believe he comes and goes via an old broken window which he can open and close himself…..

Which means he probably watched Oceans Eleven too.

Anyway so I thought he was a “stayin’ at home” kind of guy until I went up to Los Angeles with my sister recently and when we walked into a small funky gift shop in Echo Park we spied this flyer on the wall.

They said he was found on Franklin Avenue. Probably wandering the street with a miniature doll suitcase from my garage and these kind folks took him in.

Mistake…….

I could have warned them….

Especially about the housebroken thing……

So we will see.

Maybe he will stay up there and hopefully won’t wear out his welcome.

(which would be fine by me)

As it is. the junk is still in the garage and because of this nonsensical story we have ultimately adopted him as a mascot where I work.

One of my co-workers actually calls me “Possum” whenever I see her.

I love it….

It suits me……(please see previous hair related posts)

Update......

Alas this morning as the sun came up I noticed the open window in the garage again…..

Guess he managed to take the Amtrak from Union Station in L.A. and figure out that tricky bus schedule from downtown.

Clever bugger…….

Bet no one sat next to him on the train…….

So the prodigal son has again resurfaced and once again I am reduced to skulking around the garage praying he won’t drop from the rafters onto my pointy head with a lusty cry of,

”Lucy I’m home!”

My possum……..

Unkept……

Hairy…….

Eternal……..

But he’s MY possum……..

……..I’m just sayin’