Today I stepped in poo

Today I stepped in poo….

Not figuratively as in, “I said something stupid to my boss ” but ACTUALLY……

IN POO….

Not pretty.

As I said before I have a new puppy and apparently this was her version of leaving a like or dislike comment on Facebook. 

By planting a fragrant meadow muffin in the doorway of my office.

Here is the perpetrator.

“Take that Captor!” “That’s what you get for not sharing your chicken dinner with me last night!

This did not make me happy and I gimped down the hall with my poo foot in the air ranting, “Where are you, you little maniac??” 

She of course was hiding strategically under my chaise lounge filming her YouTube video to share with all of her puppy peeps.

“Check this out, this is hysterical you guys!”

I have never had a dog in my entire life.

EVER….

But my friend from work rescued her from certain death in Mexico and brought her over to my house one December evening and said, “I have something to show you.”

I was lost….

She looked like a Dalmatian potato with ears and my life has never been the same.

People told me immediately, “It’s just like having a new baby.”

They were wrong…..

Being the mother of three I thought to myself, “Okay, I know how to do that!”

As all mothers, I considered my children to be gifted and bright and even though my mind isn’t what it used to be, But I KNOW when they were 12 weeks old they never yanked off their diapers, doodied on the floor and then proceeded to drag my bra around with their needle sharp teeth.

I would have captured that on film for sure……

My best friend is walking me through the trials of early puppyhood with great care.

She speaks to me in hushed tones of encouragement and brought me over “shower gifts” of puppy necessity.  One of these gifts was “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Choosing, Training and Raising a Dog.”

Smart lady, that one….

She knows who she is dealing with……

The puppy ate it……

I have a long hallway with hardwood floors and her latest trick is to strategically place her doggie calling cards there as my early morning wake up gifts.

I think of it as a canine version of leaving carrots out for Santa.

Considering they are the same color as the floor, it’s like running reconnaissance in the Iraqi desert looking for landmines.

Now, upon awakening I would never DREAM of just stepping casually out into the hallway.

I use my cellphone as a mini flashlight and sweep the desert looking for hidden bombs from my tiny terrorist.

But this morning, I obviously let my guard down.

Just for a minute, I thought I was safe.

Mistake…..

It won’t happen again…….

Next time I will be prepared…….

Now where IS my bra?

………..I’m just sayin”